Half full; Half empty

I used to pull through uncountable allnighters by myself.  During those nights, I would be my only companion along the way, blogging as I marked every mile I walked - be it my essay or job app or grad app or whatever else I hated - telling myself if I could do all I did before, I can do this one too.  And it all appeared so undoable at the time.  Eventually, I made it through.

This time it's a bit different.  I really do feel that something has changed.  It's like, something else is there now; not just work (which looks quite unattainable still), not just friends (many of whom disappear sooner or later).  When I pull an allnighter I know I'm not alone.  Someone else is keeping me company as he has promised.  No matter where I go, I won't end up empty-handed.  Someone has promised me something not based on merit.  I don't have to prove that I deserve it.  For the first time in a long time, I don't have to try to be liked.

The more I come to know how special this is, the more I'm scared of waking up one day to the real world and realise it's all been a fleeting dream.  I'm scared of losing you.